S t o r y O f M y L i f e

I am not perfect, but I am limited edition

"She seemed fragile like a moonflower – destined to bloom for a single lovely night, and then to fade and fall."

— Juliet Marillier, Wildwood Dancing (via feellng)

1 week ago • 855 notes

Apology


I just wish I can simply let people in my head so that they can see what I see, feel what I feel, and attempt to untangle the strings of confusion in my head. There’s too much to say, and I’ve lost too many people I care about simply because I can’t put my feelings into words. A lot has been going on with my life that I have to juggle: school, financial aid, relationships, thieu nhi, work, sorority, and my mom’s health issue. Sometimes, the stress overwhelms me so much that I just want to go to my room, turn off the lights, go under my blanket, and cry it out.
This stress is getting so bad that it’s also affecting my health. My mind is so overfilled that I can’t sleep properly at night (or even sleep at all). I’m starting to take a whole bunch of pills, sometimes a little too much, to get rid of my headache. And I’ve put myself in danger, thinking that pain is the only way I can escape. I’m not the same person as I was a year, or even two months, ago. It’s a hard enough struggle to put a smile on my face, tell my friends my stories, and pretend that everything is okay when, really, I want to condemn God and wonder why he’s is putting me through all this. What kind of plan does he have for me?
To those that I’ve hurt, I sincerely apologize for my behavior. I’ve hurt so many people without even realizing it. I know you all care for me, and I am stupid enough to act like I don’t trust you when I really do. I’m not very good at updating people on what is going on because, for me, nothing is harder than taking the cap off my bottle and putting my feelings into words. I am sorry for always being on my phone during hangouts. Im sorry I took my attitude and feelings towards an innocent kid. I am sorry for all the negative vibes I give to people. I am sorry for being a bad friend. I am sorry for all my actions. Lastly, I am sorry for being such a horrible human being. I can never forgive myself for it and I also hate every single cell in my body for it. I can’t live with myself knowing that I am this type of person. Believe me, I am not proud of the person I’ve become. I want to change myself, but how can I change myself when I don’t even know what I want? Every single person I encountered made a positive impact to my life, and no words can ever describe the gratitude and appreciation I have for you. I love you all. You are all special and deserve only the best of this world. But you don’t deserve me.

1 week ago • 0 notes